The First Man You Remember
by beccajean85
Summary: All Lex ever wanted was to love her. Companion to 'The Life I Chose.' Chlex.
1. Beginnings

A/N: This is also chapter six (?) of 'The Life I Chose.' It's Lex's response to the line from 'Forsaken' which was the moment in my life when I knew that Chloe and Lex were meant for eachother. This story is a companion to 'The Life I Chose.' Some chapters will be Lex's take on the events and others will continue or precede the chapter. You should be able to read either one independantly, but they'll really compliment eachother. Thanks to my loyal readers and reviewers. You guys make me smile! Oh, and the title? Not mine. It's the title from one of the songs from 'Aspects of Love,' which is Andrew Lloyd Webber's and not mine.

Disclaimer: If they were mine I wouldn't have to write this, would I?

"Besides, I know you won't let anything happen to me."

I try to smile at that-I always try to smile for her.

I wish she wouldn't have said that. My mind reels at the possibilities of what could happen to her.

I send a prayer up to anyone that will listen to protect her. Even I can only do so much.

I know I shouldn't feel the way I do about her. She's seventeen years old, I'm twenty four. Her father used to work for me.

But when she looks at me I can't help the way my stomach tightens-along with other parts of me.

I didn't all ways feel this way. She was only a little girl when I met her. Now though, she's a beautiful woman.

She's not my type. I've told myself that a thousand times. She's nothing like any of the women I've dated or even just slept with. Maybe it's a good thing. The only relationship I've had was with Helen and that wasn't something to be proud of. There was that on going thing with Victoria, too. Nothing ever worked. I don't know if I wanted it to work-no, that's not true. I wanted to be with Helen. I loved her. But that's in the past. I want to look to the future now. And I want that future to include a certain feisty investigative reporter.

I only hope I can restrain myself until she turns eighteen.


	2. Rushing

My hands are shaking. I can barely turn the key in the ignition. It takes me a second to realize that the car isn't starting because I'm not holding in the clutch. I get the motor running and put it in gear but-parking brake, parking brake.

Chloe's made me forget how to drive. I can't believe this. I've never had a reaction to a woman like this before.

I kissed her. One innocent little kiss, then I left her in Clark's loft.

I jump at the knock on the window. She's standing there with the moonlight reflecting off her hair.

I get out of the car.

"What's going on?" I ask her.

"Did you mean all of that?"

"Mean what?"

She reaches out and starts to toy with one of the buttons on my coat, "What you said. How you feel about me. And how long-did you mean all that?"

"I don't say things I don't mean."

She smiles up at me, "Of course not. You're a Luthor."

"That's right," I still her hands, trapping them under my own hands against my chest.

"And when you kissed me?"

"What about it?"

"Why did you only do it once?" Well, I didn't expect that.

I laugh out loud and she looks up in surprise.  
"I'm not trying to be funny Lex," she almost looks hurt.

"I know you're not. I didn't want to scare you away Chloe. And I don't want to rush into anything."

"I think this would be a good pace," she says softly, leaning up on her toes and kissing me.

I release her hands and pull her against me, leaning back against the car. She's soft against me and her hair slips through my fingers.

I don't know where she learned to kiss, but it couldn't have been Smallville. I finally push her back slightly before this goes some where that's dangerous in the Kent's driveway.

"I'll let you know when you're rushing things," she whispers close enough to my ear that I feel her lips move.

Then she smiles and is walking into the house.

I chuckle to myself as I climb into my car. Chloe Sullivan is going to make my life a lot more interesting.


	3. She Comes First

A/N: This is to go along with Chapter two of 'The Life I Chose.' It's also most likely the last update I'll make before I head home for a much deserved long weekend. Be looking for a whole bunch of updates on Monday of next week.

"I won't be back Friday after all. I have to go to Paris."

I steel myself against what I know is going to a bad reaction.

"Okay."

That's all she says. One quiet word, said tightly, in a voice that's more tired than anything. I would rather she yelled and cried at me than that.

"Chloe, I'm sorry," I say, though I know that nothing is going to make up for this, "I want to be there."

"I know you do."

She's upset and I can hear it in her voice. She's trying to get me to believe her so I'll hang up and leave her alone.

"Don't do that," I plead. When did I become a man who pleads?

"It's fine Lex."

The hell it is. I'm mad at myself for this.

"I'll make it up to you Chloe."

She scoffs, "Are you going to jump into your time machine and make it back for my birthday?"

"Come meet me here and fly out with me. We'll spend a few extra days if you want. Or we can go somewhere else. You love Prague in the Spring."

She sighs, "Lex-"

"Chloe, come on, I don't want you to be alone on your birthday."

"I'll see if I can get the time off," she gives in.

I turn things over in my head, trying to figure out how I can spend some time with her on Saturday. I'm going to be busy.

"Are you actually going to have time for me?" she asks, and I can't blame her if her tone's a little peevish. If only she didn't know me so well.

"I'll make time," I promise.

She yawns, "I'm going to fall asleep on you Lex."

"I wish you were here to fall asleep on me," I grin.

"Me too."

"Go to sleep honey," I tell her, "I'll call you in the morning with your flight information."

"'kay. Night."

"Goodnight. I love you."

"Love you too," she murmurs and I wonder if she's even going to bother to hang up.

I start making calls right away. I'm going to have to cancel some meetings if I'm going to be able to spend any time with her on her birthday. I don't care though, because she comes first and always will.


	4. I Can't Fix It

She's crying again. She must think I'm asleep, because she rarely cries in front of me.

Part of me wants to just hold her and tell her every thing's going to be fine. The other part wants to shake her and remind her that we're having a baby and she's supposed to be happy.

I know she's scared so the gentler side wins out, as it always does with Chloe.

I turn her over to face me and wipe away her tears.

"Lex-" a huge sob cuts her off and my heart nearly breaks in two.

"Chloe, it's okay," I pull her tightly to my chest and let her cry for a while. When her sobs reach the point that her entire body is shaking I pull back, "You've got to calm down honey. This isn't good for you or the baby."

That evidently wasn't the right thing to say because she only cries harder. Now I just feel like an ass. My wife, who is still young, who has sacrificed so much for me and will have to sacrifice even more is hurting and I'm acting like my father.

I wrap her securely in my arms and lay there with her until she cries herself to sleep.

I don't know why she isn't happy about this baby. This is what I've wanted since we got married. We discussed children at length and she always said she wanted a family. The day I proposed she saw a little girl walking down the street in Paris and her exact words were 'I'd like one of those.'

She won't talk about it, she doesn't want to tell any one, she won't make any plans. I know she doesn't want it. _ I know it._

Part of me wonders if she would have told me at all if I hadn't walked in and found her staring at that pregnancy test like it was going to attack her.

But she's been going to the doctor religiously and is taking very good care of herself. I know she wouldn't do anything to jeopardize her health or the baby's but at the same time it's so obvious that this is something she wants to be happening.

I know I shouldn't see it this way, but to me she doesn't want _my_ baby. She doesn't want to be the mother of _my_ children. It's my fault and I can't fix it and I can't stand that feeling.


	5. Loss

A/N: Hooray for updates, right? This is to go with ch. 7 of The Life I Chose 'Emergency.' Hopefully there will be more soon.

I hope the Kents have beat me here. Describing Chloe's call as 'distraught' would be the understatement of the century. She was terrified. I speed up, and illegally pass a tractor, while cursing my father for building the mansion so far out of town.

I couldn't land at the hospital and the plant is even further away so I had to settle for a field near my home. A car was waiting and I probably shouldn't be driving, but I've got to get to her. Soon.

I take the next turn on three wheels and blow through a stop sign.

"Don't die on us Gabe," I find myself muttering. I've always admired Gabe Sullivan-even more so when he pushed aside his doubts about my relationship with Chloe and welcomed me into his family. He, like Jonathan Kent, has shown me what a real father is-what a real man is.

I easily pick out the Kent's truck as I swing into a parking spot. I run, full speed into the emergency room and it's not hard to pick out Chloe. She's sitting stiffly between Martha and Jonathan, holding both their hands, her face like stone.

She sees me coming and jumps to her feet, throwing herself into my arms with a sob.

I have to take a step back to keep from falling when she hits me.

"Have you heard anything?" I ask, rubbing her back, directing the question to Jonathan and Martha.

Martha shakes her head, "Not yet."

I turn my attention back to the sobbing, trembling body in my arms, "It's okay," I whisper into her hair, holding her as tightly as I dare.

"He was so pale Lex," she cries into my chest.

I feel a lump rising in my throat, to match the knot in my stomach and I can't talk anymore, all I can do is hold her.

A doctor, who is vaguely familiar (who isn't in Smallville?) is approaching us.

He introduces himself, but I don't hear a name. I don't hear much at all, my heart is pounding so hard.

He suggests that Chloe and I sit, but she's pulled herself together some what is asking questions a mile a minute.

"Miss, I really think you should have a seat-"

"I don't need to sit!" Chloe cries, her voice breaking, "I need to know if my father's all right!"

"We did everything we could," he says, and I don't hear anymore, because I've heard this before. Chloe doesn't need anymore either, and her knees buckle, and she starts to fall. I catch her at the last second and numbly deposit her shaking form into a chair.

'Fucking bastard,' I say to God in my head as I hold her close to me, 'how could you do this to her? Hasn't she been through enough? Why can't she be happy? Don't you see all I want is for her to be happy?'

Martha and Jonathan are huddled around us, holding us, holding each other at the same time.

It's only then that I realize I'm crying. I'm really crying. I haven't cried like this since my mother died. And it's because this man-this man who welcomed me into his life, his home, his family, his heart-is gone. Gabe treated me like his own son for the last two years, and now I've lost him. What's worse is that Chloe has lost him. She's basically and orphan now, I realize. Twenty years old or not, being with out parents isn't easy.

The Kents have lost one of their dearest friends-a family member really.

I hold Chloe closer while she cries and curse God again for taking Gabe away.


End file.
